Is it in his eyes?

When I took to blogging I thought I wanted to write about intimacy issues, but I realised I was just going through one of those down moments. My issues are typical and easily resolved (well that's my current line of thinking) so let me just jist u about whatever I guess ...

About my second kiss... you are going to think I'm a lil psycho cos I was surrounded by nice young men wanting my attention , but I was so shy of being inexperienced and messing up or being awkward around them that I kept on experimenting on blokes I met online. I could be silly; stupid; awkward; not know how to kiss, and it didn't matter because they were easy to cut off as they were not a part of my real life. Whereas, if I was fumbly and naive around someone in my social circle or someone at Uni I'd keep bumping into them. At the time I felt I was soo behind... my lack of contact with boys was like a disability I kept trying to hide.

Any way you guessed right ...my second kiss was a guy off the net. for reasons that will later become apparent I'll call him Belly. So I met Belly in a chatroom , once again he was older I was 20 and he was ...well he said he was 30 ...but I'm guessing he was actually closer to 40..but I'm not going to split hairs (because he didn't have any LOL )

He was a shrewd guy , into fashion and publishing...hee hee a little strange to me though as he had weird cheiftaincy chair in his house. I'm thinking ooooookay, you were awarded a cheiftancy in some village in Nigeria whats the cheiftaincy chair and horse hair thing (looks like a feather duster made out of horse hair) doing all the way in yous poxy London flat???

I digress ...I'll fast forward. My first fumble ...on a couch ...he pulled me on top of him in an awkward hug/ cuddle ...I say awkward because it was like being on a see-saw. You wouldn't think to look at him form afar that his belly was sooo big ... it was a spherical dome ...and here was I balanced precariously on it. I couldn't help but giggle hysterically . He looks up (my laughter is infectious so he is laughing too even though he is not quite sure whats making me laugh) and asks me 'babe whats funny?' I roll myself off his belly and keep laughing. Some more attempts to hug etc ...but his belly kept getting in the way ...by this time I'm in stitches I mean imagine having to lean across a belly divide to hug someone properly, it was comical. Any way I suggest we go out to dinner to save myself, and we do.

Fast forward again, this time to the kiss. After the comedy hour at his flat, I knew the kiss would not be great ...but even I was not expecting what followed. He drove me to my cousin's place (this was summer time and I was crashing with them for the duration). He stops the car and pulls me towards him ...I know whats coming so I resist cos I already have a feeling it wont be great (and this time there is no bathroom for me to run to for a quick rinse). He is persistent, so I think OK what the heck ...I'll just give this a go. So he has my head locked in his palms, looks into my eyes and tells me how beautiful I am...I smile...and he leans in, his lips brush mine briefly then my lips part, yielding to the thrust of his tongue ....then n.o.t.h.i.n.g

He still has my head locked in his hands, and his tongue just sits firmly in my mouth ...motionless. It is only my second time kissing, but from the movies (thank you Hollywood) and my crappy first kiss ...even I know there is supposed to be some motion after you put your tongue in someones mouth. To save the situation, I make an attempt at some tongue action but instead of kissing back he simply stiffens his tongue even more. Gosh !!! (e pass my power o ), I wrestle my way out of the headlock, thank him for dinner and then run in as fast as I can. Seriously ...it was a while before I would attempt this kissing malarkey again.

Ps dealing with Belly taught me a big lesson about Internet dating safety. He had picked me up from school for our date before taking me to my cousin's, and when I tried to cut him off he wouldn't take no for an answer. I mean what was a dead fish kiss for me must have been something amazing for him (he actually got me wondering if traditional Africans by traditional I mean 'older' actually french kiss etc). When school got back in a couple of months later he would drive all the way from London to camp out outside my flat. Its the only time I have ever been grateful for having flatmates...after his fifth night outside my flat I had to let them know what was going on because I was scared sh*tless and even considered calling the police. My flatmate went out to have a word with him and he stopped camping out. I mean a man has to be bordering on psycho to drive an hour to sit outside my flat every night for a week when I have only been on a couple of dates with him. Any way, if you must meet them online make sure the meeting point / pick up point is somewhere public . Train stations are great !. in addition to protecting you ...it also means you can scope the person out and make a quick exit if they don't quite match the picture they sent u. I never tried this myself cos I'm too nice :) ...but I have a male friend who does exactly that ...does a drive by/ walk by and if the date disappoints he telephones to explain something came up and he can't make it ...its a little callous but it saves time in the long run I guess.