My dirty Secrets

Ok that was a misleading title LOL

You clicked hoping to read something salacious, but its not. It’s embarrassing but not really dirty.

1. I have never voted - To be honest I can't believe I have never voted and I'm ashamed of the fact. I studied policlinics and even took part in mock elections at school up until I was 16. But when I became enfranchised i.e. aged 18 I simply turned apathetic. I guess it’s because there is no passion in politics any more just finance. There is no difference between Labour and the conservatives ...so I can't be bothered. Yet I am still deeply ashamed of the fact that I have never voted. People fought and died for my right to vote as a woman , people fought and died for my right to vote as a black person ...why don't I vote (Well I know if they made it possible to vote online Id probably vote :D ...I'm such a loser ) I didnt vote and Boris is now Mayor ...Grrrr

2. I was picking my nose - I didn't realise I was being watched o ....yesterday I was at the gym and waiting for the trainer for the group class to arrive. I sunk intro a chair by the wall, the wall was blocking everyone from viewing me so it seemed like a good opportunity to dig for gold :D. Some cute idiot man chose that very moment to sneak up on me to say hello. WTF ...all the days I have been coming to this gym why it is when I’ve got my finger up my nose that u come up to me. Any way I formed as if I was just scratching it and smiled back sha ...I’ve never been so embarrassed I couldn’t talk to him properly because I was to busy wondering about whether or not he saw how hard I was digging. Lesson learnt wait till you get home before uhnmmmm foraging.

3. I have a date OOOOweeee . My friend introduced us. I haven’t even met him live yet and I’ve already planned our wedding on the basis of some excellent telephone conversations. LOL so this is what desperation feels like :D . LOL but that is how to set something up for failure sha . He will pick me up tomorrow and immediately my heart will sink because he won’t be in a tuxedo with a white carnation on his lapel and holding a ring . So the date will go wrong from the beginning because well except if he is taking me to a church I'm going to be as bored as hell and I won’t be able to hide it :( . He is going to think I'm not really interested ...*bangs head on wall* (ok I’m not that bad o ...just playing ...but I did really imagine us walking down the aisle based on his photo , and I debated whether or not Id keep my last name or if his last name sounded better LOL )

4. My rabbit arrived , but I’ve been too chicken to open the box

5. Ok this has nothing to do with me . Just thought Id share some interesting things I learnt about the human body whilst browsing the internet

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue
The average human will eat an average of 8 spiders while sleeping.
The average woman consumes 6lbs of lipstick in her lifetime
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
1/4 of the bones in your body are in your feet
When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop ... Even your heart
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
Koala and humans are the only animals with unique fingerprints.
A one-minute kiss burns 26 calories

Seeing as I have 10 pounds to lose I better find a man and get kissing away ;)

Miss Pretentious and Sorry we can't be friends

Miss Pretentious

I was at a do in North London last weekend. I heard a young Nigerian lady speaking to someone else. She said "I don't know where to go to get Nigerian ingredients ..." I piped up thinking I could help...I asked "Where do you live" She said "Dartford" ". I'm like ...oh Woolwich is near you and it has a lot of Nigerian food stores out there". She looked at me with her nose in the air and said " Woolwich ???? Isn’t that a rough part ???"

Oh my Lawd ...I have never wanted to smack any one across the face so badly, but I bit my tongue (nowadays I err on the side of diplomacy) and I said ...hey watch it (in a joking manner) I used to live there. Any way if you can get up the courage to venture into the jungles of Woolwich ...you will be able to find some Nigerian Food...where do you get your Nigerian food from now ? She said "Oh there are a few places in Dartford , but fortunately for me I don’t really eat Nigerian food, but my Husband likes it so he gets to go and buy it"

This idiot ruined my afternoon . I hate coming across people who behave like that , they leave such a bad taste in my mouth . Number 1 your friggin ass lives in Dartford (just to help those who are not familiar with eth UK Dartford id not a posh or expensive area) yet you think you are too posh for Woolwich. I mean wait a friggin minute sister ...even if you lived in Kensington etc ...it is still rude/ shows ill breeding for you to open your mouth and make stupid comments like that to other people. I can understand if you say something like that jokingly amongst friends etc ...but this silly heifer was really feeling too posh for Woolwich.

That reminds me of the reason why I don't have that many female friends ...too damn pretentious . They meet you and they start eyeing you up and down ...they friggin live in Dartford and think for some reason they are elevated from others who live 10 minutes away from them ??? Weirdos ...she wasn't even good enough to shine my shoes (my shoes have trekked all over Woolwich :D )


Ok Rant over let me move on to something else....

Sorry we can't be friends

The Ex ...yes the married one really upset me this week . We have maintained a pretty much platonic friendship since we broke up ...well in the sense of no touch no see. But there was still some emotional closeness, and we talk a lot.

I had never met his wife in person, but when they got married he sent me pictures, so I have an idea what she looks like

Any way ...whilst I was out this weekend at a friend’s house (Miss X). A woman walked in. To be honest she didn’t even look familiar. There was a big crowd so I never spoke to her directly thank goodness. But I heard her mention her name from across the room. Turns out she is The Ex‘s wife. All of a sudden I recognised her from the picture. She stared at me a few times ....but that is normal ...a lot of people stare at me ;)

Any way Miss X is getting married so it occurred to me that The Ex and his wife would definitely be at the wedding. I thought it only fair to let he Ex know that I'd bumped into her. So the next time we spoke I said where Id been that weekend ...The EX said “Ohhh you know Miss X too. She is my wife’s friend ...My wife was supposed to go there this weekend but could not make it"

WTF ??? Now the reason why I brought it up was to be open so you would know I met your wife and also know that you will bump into me at the wedding. That way it doesn’t catch you off guard...I didn’t say this to him, instead I said “that is funny because I could have sworn I saw her there ...maybe it is someone who looked just like her” ...The idiot said “yeah probably some one that looked like her”

Ok ...he had to go and get high school on me. That little scene right there just killed what ever hopes I had of maintaining an adult platonic relationship with him. If you can’t be open/ mature, but keep acting as if you have something to hide then sorry, we don’t have anything to talk about going forward. We were such good friends that some where in the back of my mind I must have been hoping that there would be some way of normalising our relationship (by normalise I mean a situation where there isnt any discomfort between him and his wife or me and my partner) . Right now I’m not really interested in having anything to do with this man going forward, confidant or no confidant.